Depleted

You are busy. Aren’t you? We all are. Work, home, kids, pets, and life all demand time. We are surrounded and overloaded with input and information every day. Screens are in front of us at every turn including our phone, computer, and television. There seems to be little good news and we find ourselves taking on the emotional weight of the world. No wonder we sometimes feel like our tank is empty -- depleted.

If you are someone who, like me, finds it difficult to say no to others who ask you for help, you are at double the risk of depleting your personal resources more quickly. We want so badly to help others, so we say yes, sometimes at a great personal cost.

If this sounds familiar, I am writing this for you. If it doesn’t resonate with you personally, chances are you know someone who may be at risk.

When we become depleted we become overwhelmed. Everyday tasks can seem monumental. Feelings of hurt or anger that we would normally brush off become large, open wounds. Focus is difficult to achieve if not impossible. It’s ALL just too much.

When you find yourself in this situation, what do you do? How do you climb out of it? How do you restore your energy and reserves? Here are a few tips:

• Shut it down and shut it off. Turn off your TV and your computer. Shut off the social media apps to your phone and leave the internet alone. Shut off your phone if you are comfortable doing so. If not, then limit the use to calling a friend/family member or answering calls from your children. The goal is to get away from the negative information overload. Recommended duration is AT LEAST 12 hours.
  
  
• Take the down time to perform a personal inventory. Make three columns on a piece of paper.
  
  
  • On the left write down everything that you have said yes to, are responsible for, and have on your plate.
    
    
  • In the center write down how long the obligation lasts - one day, six months, or the foreseeable future.
    
    
  • Save the last column until you have written everything down. Put the list aside and walk away for at least one hour.
    
    
  • When you return to the list, read through the list quickly, beside each obligation and commitment time write a quick note on how that obligation makes you feel. Happy, anxious (in a bad way), angry, excited, and so forth. Don’t dwell on it too long. Let your gut speak.
    
    
  • Once you have finished your inventory, anything that gives you negative feelings, anxiety, anger--it’s time to ditch those. Wrap them up if you must, but try to hand them off to someone else or simply say, “I thought I could help, but I just can’t.”
    
    
• Make a promise to yourself to not take on any new responsibilities for 30 days.
  
  
• Use that 30 days to wrap up obligations you have retained and clear your plate of things you must pass on.
  
  
• During the 30 days limit your external activities. The exception being activities that let you connect with friends and family in a meaningful way. This means you might have to skip a party or two, but definitely say yes to a quite dinner with your best friends.
  
  
• After the 30 days, evaluate how you feel. If you feel relaxed, happy, and rested -- GOOD JOB! If not--repeat the steps above.
  
  
• Once you feel restored I encourage you to adopt these policies:
  
  
  • When someone asks you to volunteer or take on a task, do not say yes at the first ask. Tell them you need 24 hours to check your schedule and other obligations.
    
    
  • Perform the column test above and see how it sits.
    
    
  • Only say yes to things that feed you--not your belly, but your emotional well being.
    
    
  • Remember, “No” is a complete sentence.
    
    

Look, we all want to help. We want to do things for friends, family and worthwhile organizations including our employers. However, if we run until we are completely depleted, we are no good to ourselves or anyone else. You have to be a priority.

What tips do you have for restorative personal care when you become depleted? Share with us on social media. It may help you remember what you need to do and will certainly help someone else.

I know this is a long post, but I feel strongly about speaking to all of you (and myself) about this. I speak from experience. Yes is only the right answer if it is also the right answer for you.